Sis went for stayover at her friend’s house last night. So i was left all alone. Wts, was feeling like shit at the start. Then later Y called me to chat with me, to accompany me. Felt so much better after that. I like late night chats, hehehehe. We talked about so many things, so many things i didn’t knew.
Oh well, hehehehe. :D
Understand.
At times i don’t even understand myself. Don’t understand what i’m thinking, what i feel. And then when i missed that chance, i start to regret. Then everything’s too late. Actually, i can only blame myself for this. I’m just so stubborn, cause i refuse to express out my true feelings. I just don’t like it. So now, i really wanna now what i’m thinking. What do i actually feel. I need to know, cause time waits for no one.
Take a walk home with me.
Last night was so awkward. Okay, only at the start. I kept telling myself not to think about how he confessed to me and everything, think about how we were while we were still good friends last time. Think think think. After convincing myself, like FINALLY OMGGGG. Not that awkward. We talked and then he sent me home, right to the staircase. Actually, i didn’t know how to console him so i just kept laughing at the things he said. Maybe that would at least make him feel better? Urgh, seriously i don’t know. I don’t know what i’m feeling, don’t know what i’m doing, i don’t know. I really have no idea what i should do right now. Boo.
We never get what we want.
It’s been quite some time, so many things happened in just 2 weeks. I thought i could put everything behind me and get on with my life, i thought i really could. It looked like i did, but in fact, even i didn’t realize, that inside me was all dead, was all missing everything especially you. I don’t know why i just couldn’t get over you. Little things you do like talking to me or even remembering something we said could make me feel so happy. A happiness no one has ever yet let me felt. But i know your heart’s not with me, i know nothing is gonna come our between us. We’ll always be friends, thats why my heart hurts so much. And everytime i think about it my tears starts to flow.
Okay, not about sad things. E and Y confessed to me idk when but somewhere in this 2 weeks. E first, and i’ve totally no idea why he confessed to me. Its like i really don’t have any feelings for him, i don’t even feel very close to him yet, so it felt so bad to reject him. Anyw, good that we’re still friends now. Maybe otw to know each other better.
Next about Y. Okay this one totally shocked me. SERIOUSLY, i didn’t expect anything. I didn’t even feel anything when he treated me so nicely. I mean i didn’t realize he was treating me so nicely. UNTIL HE TOLD ME. And then when i thought back, i think i’m really slow at such things but i really didn’t realizeeee! :O
Y’s a very good friend to me, we weren’t this close last time but came to become closer recently. I like you as my friend, really. You’re like a brother to me, a really good and close one. I don’t want anything more, i think we’re pretty good like this. I’m so afraid, i don’t know what to do. I’m afraid when you start expecting more from me and i don’t give it to you, things between us starts to go wrong and then things are gonna turn out ugly and unhappy. I don’t know if i should just remain like how we’re now, happy and always bickering, or i should just keep a distance from you, kind of hint you that we’ll always be JUST LIKE THIS. I don’t know.
Rah, i hate growing up. So many more things to bother about. Just wna live in my own world, always happy and carefreeeeeeeeeeeeee.
I got it.
It’s over, everything’s really over. For real, this time. The moment I saw those words in the text you sent to me, I knew everything was over. It was only me all along, my own wishful thinking. Hoping things could get better, hoping we could get closer. But then I realized, it’s all in the past. Our lives have changed, so did our feelings. I guess they just faded away gradually without us even realizing. I’m feeling so sad right now, my tears seemed to just flow out uncontrollably. Sometimes I think I miss you, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes you can make me smile, sometimes all you do is make me cry. I have enough of all these sufferings, for the past one year.
I’m not gonna let this continue. So here I am to bade us goodbye. Perhaps, being friends is still the best option. I love you.
All I need is one more chance.
Just when I thought everything was really over, miracles always happen. I was so shocked that you actually talked to me today. I thought we’d never talk anymore. I’m happy, but I wonder how long I have to always wait for moments like that. Everytime I tell myself to just give up, you’ll always appear the next moment. Tell me how is it possible to give up? Anyway, this sucks. I don’t like the feeling of waiting for something so endlessly. And why is it every single time our meet up plans always fail. I know we’re both busy with our school and stuffs. So sadz, our timetable clashes. It’s okay, no more ice cream treat then. If he really wna treat me, he will find ways.
